The door opened quickly and violently, as if someone was breaking in, but Maddie knew otherwise. Brandon stumbled in, hiccupping as he went, closing the door behind him, fiddling with the keys in his hand before sighing angrily and waving at the door, as if the air would lock it for him. Drunkenly, he turned, swaying heavily, his arms swinging around him like vines around a tree. As their eyes met he stopped, in his drunken state assuming she hadn’t seen him. Her glare was fixed and arms folded. She was wearing what she did every night, a long grey nightie, one she had worn since their wedding, ‘easy access’ she had called it. But now her face wasn’t the same as that night, it was stern and furious with flared nostrils and wide eyes.
“Where have you been?” Maddie demanded, quoting almost every wife whose husband had come home inexplicably drunk.
“Out,” Brandon said quickly, trying his best to hide his slurs.
“Where?” she demanded again. He huffed at her.
“Out,” he repeated. This time, she huffed at him, taking a step closer. Now, Brandon could see the fury in her blue eyes and her withdrawn tongue as she held back her shouts.
“You better have a bloody good reason,” she seething, breathing heavily through her teeth. Brendon huffed at her again, pushing aside her anger clearly written across her face.
“Did you miss me?” he teased, still swaying, his arms dangerously close to the framed pictures on the table beside him. Maddie recoiled slightly, her anger slowly fading into sorrow, tears building in her eyes. She bit her lip and sucked in cool air before looking back at him.
“Yes, I did,” she said. Brandon jolted back slightly at the sincere, contained answer, swinging himself steady again. “Because while you were off galivanting around town with your friends, I was here, tucking our daughter into bed. And as I am doing that, my phone rings. I have to stop saying goodnight to her to answer it. It was from my father…” she hesitated, breathing in sharply again but her eyes never left his. “My mother died.” She finished. Even through his drunken vision, Brendon could see Maddie’s eyes well up again, more tears falling down her face. He brought a hand forward to pull her closer but she stepped back, lightly pushing his hand to the side and he let it fall, confusion spreading across his face. She took in another deep breath. “This is how it’s been since the beginning. You go out, get drunk, come home late and I'm already asleep and I find you passed out on the sofa. Thought it was funny and cute to begin with, but then it got boring and annoying. But then, you stopped, cleaned up your act, but, since last week, you’ve been sneaking out to drink, leaving me alone. And not only that, but alone with your infant daughter.” Once she had finished, Brendon had started to cry, the warm tears gently falling down his face, creating a river as they meandered down where the wrinkles of smiles used to form.
“Maddie, I,” he started.
“No,” she interjected, her voice stern again. “I have lost my mother, your daughter has lost her grandmother, a woman she will never remember. I lost someone and the only person I could talk to was our daughter, who was confused about why I was crying in the first place! I don’t want her Christmas ruined with the memory of her grandmother’s death! And you weren’t here for me, or for her. I don’t feel like I can rely on you anymore.” Brendon opened his mouth but she barged past him, heading for the stairs.
“Maddie, please I’m…” he tried, but she didn’t turn. As she reached the stairs she stopped, her back still to him.
“I'm taking Rachel to my brother’s tomorrow,” she said after a moment, her voice warbled with tears, holding back the urge to run to him. “We can talk more after that.” With no further words, and ignoring Brendon’s wails and desperate calls, Maddie walked up the stairs and to their bedroom, where she didn’t sleep.
Day 1
Closed Eyes
Closed Eyes
Deafening
Deafening
Closed Eyes
Day 15
E s t 2 0 2 0
Published: July 5th 2020
Closed Eyes
He closed his eyes and pictured her face. Her beautiful face. He pictured her jawline, trailing it from ear to ear. Atop sat her gorgeous smile, her front teeth poking under the thin gum that was exposed. The smile that haunted him, the smile that seemed to follow him, give him courage, give him fear, give him hope. Her eyes bright for their dark colour. Full of life and prospect. The deep blue shone back to him, a tear forming in his own. Her blonde hair flowed down her back, stopping above her waist, wrapped in a tight braid, loosening at the top, allowing a few strands of hair to wiggle free and stick up. He looked around her, the scene as he remembered. The bright sun beaming down on them, beating rays of heat onto his pale skin. He had just made a joke. Her laugh echoed through his mind, filling his ears. A tear rolled down his cheek.
A hand rested on his shoulder, gently shaking him.
​
His mind flashed and suddenly, she was looking into the sky, her eyes now closed, and mouth locked in a content smile. His eyes slowly drifted to the cloudless, light blue sky. There was nothing above them but the bright sun, no sign of the dark clouds that seemed to follow him. His eyes fell back on her. She was still looking into the sky, one hand lifted, its shadow covering her eyes. His smile grew and he looked at the grass beneath them. There lay a child, squirming on the floor, its eyes darting between him and her. His smile grew and he brought his hand down for the child to clasp, its tiny fingers wrapping around his finger, its eyes full of wonder and joy.
The hand shook him again. A sharp sting appeared on his arm, before fading.
His mind flashed again, this time fading to him in the car park, watching her load their child into their car, kissing its forehead and strapping it in, before running around to help him place the buggy into the boot and close the door. She kissed his cheek. He paused, lifting his hand to the spot and grinning as she jogged around to the passenger side, slipping in effortlessly, turning to talk to their child once fastening her seatbelt. The world didn’t matter around her, children running around with sticks, hitting one another, ignoring the shouts of their parents. They didn’t matter. Only she did. He got into the driver’s seat, switched the engine on, and pulled out of the car park.
“Make way!”
As they drove, he felt her hand rest on his. He felt the warmth through his hand and laced his fingers with hers. The child was asleep, lightly snoring behind them. They sat in silence, enjoying the quiet and whooshing of the plant life by the side of the road as they sped past. She lifted his hand and kissed it gently, before allowing him to change gear.
“Mr Jacobs!”
They came to an intersection, clear all sides. They were alone. He narrowed his eyes, looking at her. Her, who was still smiling out of the window, the sun catching her cheeks perfectly. He jolted back as the car moved forward, his hands still on the wheel. He tried to pull away, tried to prevent it. Then he looked up, seeing the truck barrelling towards them. Desperately, he looked at her, and she looked at him. Her beautiful smiled faded as she saw it. She looked back at him and clasped his hand tightly, her mouth opened to scream, but before she could, the sound of crunching metal drowned her. She was pulled from his view, glass and metal flying through the air.
“Keep your eyes open!”
He remembered lying on the floor, unable to move. Around him, metal had consumed him. His eyes drifted to his arm, which was pierced by metal, blood pouring down his shirt and spilling onto the floor. Her smile flashed across his mind and he slowly lifted his head, peering through a small sliver he could see, and saw a severed arm on the floor. Too small to be hers. He froze, then his eyes widened, as far as they would allow, and he lifted his eyes to see the bleeding body of their child, hanging from the wreck, its blonde hair tattered and bloodied. Eyes open, lifeless. Tears streamed down his face. He tried to wriggle free. He cried her name, but there came no response.
“What do we do?”
“Mr Jacobs!”
Then he saw her. Her eyes. Her beautiful, deep blue eyes. They were looking at him. His heart jumped. He called again, but the eyes didn’t move.
“Can you hear me, Mr Jacob?”
“Keep your eyes open.”
He whispered her name. He heard her call. He heard her voice. Slowly, the world faded to white, leaving him on the floor, arm still held down by metal, still keeping him from her. The white consumed her, consumed their child, leaving him alone, pinned against the wreck. The white surrounded him, but then, there she stood, dressed in white, holding their child to her chest.
“I see her.”
“Mr Jacobs, keep your eyes open.”
His child reached forward, the small hand beckoning to him. His eyes filled with tears and he reached his hand forward, their fingertips brushing.
“Mr Jacobs, keep still!”
“I’m going to see them again.”
As the small hand wrapped around his finger, he slowly rose. Her face met his, her beautiful smile shining. He lowered his head and gently kissed her lips, feeling the warmth spread through him. The small hand around his finger squeezed and he broke away, kissing the child’s head, grinning as it giggled uncomfortably.
“I’m going to be with them forever.”
Hand in hand, he walked forward, leaving the voices behind, leaving everything. But nothing else mattered, not when compared to her. Not when compared to her.