I was startled from my gaze out the window by her head gently resting against my shoulder. I whipped my head around to see her gently leaning against me, a small smile across her face. A smile spread across my own. I didn’t move her, I didn’t have the heart. Her large black headphones were covering her ears and had been carefully placed so it wasn’t uncomfortable against my skin, as if she had done it intentionally. But I knew otherwise. I was now captivated by her, the sunset behind me a distant thought. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, revealing her beautiful features. Her jaw was sharp and set, despite her light smile. I could hear a slight beat coming from her headphones and see her finger tap along to the beat, an action which forced my smile wider. Quickly, I looked around myself, making sure no one was intruding on our moment, or at least, my moment. The rest of the bus was silent, the only noise coming from the tyres against the tarmac and the occasional snore from Mr Wayy at the front.

 

I turned back to her as she nestled into my shoulder further. I felt heat rise slowly through my cheeks and turned my attention back to the window and sunset, but my eyes were dragged back to her. I couldn’t help but marvel at her, I had done so for years, although she didn’t know it. Over the two years we’d known each other, we had grown close and become good friends, but it seemed I misread some signs and was now head over heels in love with a girl who wasn’t. It hadn't started like this. It was a friendship at first, just a simple friendship that was so innocent, so pure. And now, here I was. Pining for a girl that doesn’t see me that way. I tried to push the thoughts from my mind and looked back out of the window. However, my mind continued to wander.

 

I flashed back to when we first met. It was a cold morning, the air was thick with fog and the road beside me was barren. Typical for a Monday morning. A car pulled up beside me and she stepped out, smartly dressed and floral bag slung over one shoulder. She closed the door and trotted towards the gate. We were both early. Her eyes locked with mine and we shared a simple, small smile and a courteous nod. She then stood a metre away from me and pulled out her phone, instantly scrolling through so form of social media. I say this is the first time we met, we didn’t start speaking for at least another two weeks, but she was the first person I met there.

 

New school, same me. My previous secondary school hadn't exactly been great, so when the next step came after Year 11, I immediately chose somewhere else. Luckily, I chose that college. The college itself was large, but it had a smaller, scaled-down building a few miles from the main campus. Few students went there, due to its size, but I was lucky to get in. The demand for the course was high. She wasn’t in my course, however. In fact, she was on the opposite side of the building, taking a course vastly different from mine. And yet, here we were. Sitting beside one another, returning from five days of adventure. The college had organised a ‘getaway’ sort of thing for the second year of our courses. There were few places but not many students wanted to go, so it was fortunate. We both signed up immediately, the list of activities intriguing. I would be lying if I didn’t say one reason was her.

 

The first day had begun with many groans and moans of discomfort and hunger. The journey there was long and the beds when we arrived were lumpy and uncomfortable. The breakfast the next morning was also horrible. Lumpy custard and stale cereal. Safe to say, we all bought our own breakfasts from the nearby café. The activity planned was canoeing across the nearby lake. The plan was to canoe to one side, have a walk and lunch, then canoe back. But some students had different ideas, refusing to get into the canoes and walking off in a huff. The rest were not best pleased.

 

The second day was a lot better. Following our complaints of the previous night, the hostel owners invested in some new mattresses so our nights sleep was much better. The breakfast changes, however, didn’t seem to reach the ears of the cooks. The activity was camping, or rather, setting up camping equipment and then leaving it in the field and returning to the hostel. Personally, I did not feel like the teachers knew what they were doing. That day, she and I left the campsite earlier, our tent and fireplace set up quickly, and wandered around the forest and field, finding several little nooks and crannies I jokingly said could have been used as ‘make-out spots’. My heart leapt when she laughed. We returned in due time, following the rest of the group back to the hostel. It wasn’t until the last day, three hours before we had to leave, that the teachers were reminded about the mock campsite we built that day. But we didn’t.

 

The third and fourth days were slow. I didn’t interact with her a lot, with most of our time occupied in separate groups, trying to see if we could find a certain amount of tree leaves or plants. It's as interesting as it sounds. It was followed, not immediately, by a rigorous test on animal treatment and how certain animals behave in certain environments. Needless to say, we were all excited to leave after the next day. On the fifth day, we had the most amount of fun we had ever had. That day, I might add, not overall. The trip could definitely have been better.

 

The fifth day was mainly occupied by collecting our things, ready for the quick and early departure the next morning. The rest of the day, however, was occupied with rock climbing. Some required harnesses, some didn’t, but the day was well spent. Accompanied by a decent breakfast and lunch, each not supplied by the cooks in the hostel, the final day of activities was good. By the time we were back, the sun was slowly setting and the rest of the students were tired. But we weren’t. As twilight stretched across the sky, we sneaked out of our rooms and dashed to the mock campsite.

 

She arrived before me, a fire already growing at her feet. Light was fading and the stars were becoming brighter, growing into beacons across the night sky. The firelight gently kissed her face, smoothly running over her cheeks and into her dazzling eyes. She was circled in a ball, knees against her chest and arms wrapped around them. Her shin sat atop and her blonde hair tied in a messy bow, small streams falling beside her eyes. As I approached, I stopped, allowing myself to take the moment in. I wouldn’t get the chance when sitting beside her. Two years ago, she was just a girl I saw on my first day. Now, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She made me laugh, she made me cry. She made me, me. After another moment, I jogged out, her head shooting up to see me and she beckoned me over, huddling close as she nestled for warmth.

 

Now, here we sit, on our way home. Back to the normal world. I don’t know what I'm feeling. Is it love? Is this what everyone feels at some point in their life? Have I experienced it too soon? I doubt she feels the same way. I shuffled my shoulder slightly but she moved it further across, her headphones now touching my jaw. I sighed and gave a light chuckle, grinning. With the light sound of her music beside me, I turned back to the window, watching as the sun started to set. The hazy orange horizon and the wispy white clouds stationary as we barrelled along the motorway. I don’t know what to do, but I have many thoughts on what I can do. I could tell her, but it could go wrong. I could stay silent, but my heart would probably break. She shuffled slightly again and her hand moved, resting against my knee. Blushing, I tilted my head and looked at her. Her partially open eyes snapped closed and a revealing smile spread across her face, her hand moving a little closer.

 

My heart beating with hope, and a grin on my face, I brushed my hand towards her, and a finger of each interlocked, holding them in place. She nuzzled a little further still. Feeling my head rushing and my grin widen, I slipped down in my seat and allowed her head to rest against mine, my own gently leaning against hers. My eyes fell away from the sunset and to our interlocked fingers. Gradually, my eyelids fluttered closed as we continued our journey home.